World Behind my Wall
by Bitter Recognition
Summary: The amount of bullying by the McAshtons, combined with the stress of his vampire-friends, has an impact on Tony. -Suicide, rape- Don't read if you don't like, okay? -mentions of RudolphTony-


**World Behind my Wall**

**Also, in this, Rudolph is extremely OOC. They're both aged 15.**

**Summary: The amount of bullying by the McAshtons, combined with the stress of his vampire-friends, has an impact on Tony.**

**WARNING: This is set around 10 years forward, and contains suicide (and thoughts of it) with a few mentions of rape. Foul language has a nasty streak all the way through; don't like, don't read. Potentially triggering. Eating disorders.**

**Rest in Peace, **

**Anthony Thompson, age 15.**

**13th August, 1989 - 13th December 2004.**

**A small boy with a massive heart;**

**amazing son, brother and boyfriend.**

**May you rest in peace,**

**where your tormentors will never hurt you**

**again.**

_It's raining today  
The blinds are shut  
It's always the same  
I tried all the games  
that they play  
But they made me insane_

Tony sighed, shutting his diary. _If anyone were to read it,_ he mused, _they'd probably think I were insane; proudly stating how many times I've felt hunger pangs in the last hour and my lowest weight, ninety-eight pounds. _His BMI was 16.9 at 5'7.

He toyed the idea of playing a game with Rudolph. "But I don't think he fuckin' cares any fuckin' more, the prick," he sighed. "Not since that fuckin' shit argument." His hand absent mindedly went to his wrist.

He scratched there lightly, imagining a razor blade sliding over it, thick, red blood pooling out... His vein would be hit, spraying blood everywhere... he'd be sitting in the bathroom, the room dark, with only a few small candles lighting it up. He'd be sat down, water washing over him...

and he would just keep slicing, and sliding, and shaking... Rivers of blood would fill the bath, before slowly going down the drain... and Tony smiled on the outside and in, for the first time in around a month.

He was broken out of his fantasy by harsh knocking on his window. He got up quickly, shoving his diary underneath the mattress. He opened the latch on the window and Rudolph flew in.

"Tony! Oh, Tony..." Rudolph yelled. "...Have you been crying?" Rudolph sniffed the air. His eyes went bright. "And why, heaven forbid, can I smell blood, coming from the bathroom? And from... you?"

_Life on TV  
It's random  
It means nothing to me  
I'm writing down  
What I cannot see  
Wanna wake up in a dream_

"I don't know, dude." Tony crossed his fingers behind his back. "And I ain't no pussy; 'course I ain't been fuckin' cryin'!" He pouted childishly at the vampire.

It was quite obvious that Rudolph didn't believe him, but who cares? Tony laughed. They'd believe Tony over Rudolph any day; after all, little Tony Thompson could never do anything wrong and Rudolph... well, no one had heard of him.

Tony frowned. But if it was between him and the McAshtons... then everything was his fault.

"Anyway, what do you want, fag?" Tony glared at him. They'd fallen out a few days back and Tony wasn't going to take him back that easily.

Rudolph sneered at the name. "Oh, I do think you know, dearest Tony. After all, it is YOUR blood. Remember when you had that nosebleed?" Oh, how could Tony forget his little bullies? "Yeah? Well it smells exactly the same. So, dear Tony, just what have you been doing?"

Tony kept his mouth stubbornly shut, imagining sewing his lips shut, stopping him from eating and spewing out his dirty words.

"Oh dear, oh dear..." Rudolph tutted at Tony. Tony barely had to blink before he was suddenly pinned down and Rudolph was sniffing all over him. His nose trailed near his neck and Tony stiffened. The bloody smell was coming from the top his legs.

Tony flailed as Rudolph grabbed something to pin him down. The cloth was cutting into his thin wrists.

_Oh  
They're telling me  
its beautiful  
I believe them  
but will I ever know  
The world behind my wall  
Oh_

Tony was screaming bloody murder. _T__hank God my parents aren't home, _that small voice in his head murmured.

Rudolph gently unfastened the pants, ignoring everything on show. He saw the bloody cuts on the inside on his thighs and all over his hips. The fresh wounds and the old scars overlapped and what could have once been considering a pattern was now a mess of white and red. He stared at Tony, betrayed.

He released him from the bonds.

"Are you honestly that selfish?" Rudolph wondered. "We want life, yet you're so careless to want to throw it away!" Rudolph hissed. "I don't think I want you around my family any more, Tony. Or near me."

_The sun will shine  
like never before  
One day I will be  
ready to go  
See the world behind my wall_

That was it for Tony. He'd lost his friend _-boyfriend-_, his virginity, his parents... everything. It was all too much. The kitchen knife underneath his pillow (kept there in case of a thief) was beckoning him, and he succumbed to the silver poison.

_Trains in the sky  
Are travelling  
through fragments of time  
They're taking me to  
parts of my mind  
That no one can find_

_I'm ready to fall_  
_I'm ready to crawl_  
_on my knees to know it all_  
_I'm ready to heal_  
_I'm ready to feel_

He clutched the knife to his wrist. He slashed and slashed and slashed. Barely conscious, he heard his mother coming up the stairs. She was calling his name. He panicked, before pulling the knife through his white, white skin, downwards. He kept doing it, a mantra in his head.

_I'm dirty, I'm dirty, I'm not wanted. Mom and dad will be better off without me, one less mouth to feed, right?_

His life was passing before his eyes.

He saw him at nine, flying with Rudolph; it was pointless, he snorted, because Rookery took the damn stone with him when he died.

He heard the moans, grunts and screams of pain... he covered his eyes. He didn't need to go through this again. He felt the whip come down; after all, who could forget something like that?

He heard the wail as he was moved from his broken position. He was only twelve, he heard his mother sob.

He heard the doctor read out his weight and his mother gasp at his ribs, painfully sticking out. Skin was stretched harshly over the jutting bones.

He heard all the bad names his tormentors called him _'vampire freak, should have stayed in America, freak, four eyes, faggot, gay, ugly, fat, cunt, fag-end, should have been killed at birth,'..._

_Its amazing, the amount the human mind can remember._

_Its amazing how much of it is bad._

_Its amazing how children, who haven't even hit puberty, are horrible._

_Its amazing how fickle the human race is. How vain, how selfish, how pathetically emotion ridden..._

Through hooded eyes, for a split second, Tony didn't want to end this way. He wanted to rise above it; go into school, head held high, proud as a peacock...

_Oh  
They're telling me  
it's beautiful  
I believe them  
but will I ever know  
The world behind my wall  
Oh  
The sun will shine  
like never before  
One day I will be  
ready to go  
See the world behind my wall  
See the world behind my wall  
See the world behind my wall  
See the world behind my wall_

Then, he saw that horrid moment where Rudolph didn't want him as a friend any more, where he dumped him... and he wanted to succumb into the eagerly awaiting death.

_I'm ready to fall_  
_I'm ready to crawl_  
_on my knees to know it all_  
_I'm ready to heal_  
_I'm ready to feel_

He felt the tears on his face, as his mother pushed frantically on his self-inflicted wounds. He heard the rough voice of his father telling him to pull the fuck through. He heard Rudolph wailing that it was his fault, he was so so fucking sorry, he takes back everything he said, everything he did, it wasn't his fucking secret to fucking know, he was such a dick, he was such a shitty boyfriend...

He smiled, a small twitch of the lips, amused that his love would spit such common words, and whispered "I know... I'm s-sor-ry..." as blood came up. He gagged, hacking up watery coughs...

He heard the doctors '_when did they get there?' s_aying that it was too late, blood had got into his lungs. He was choking.

_Take me there!_  
_Take me there!_  
_Take me there!_

_**He smiled, as pain left, and he was left in warm nothing-ness.**_

_**He was finally happy, for the first time in six years. Since he was nine.**_

The smile never left his face, not even in death.

_Oh  
They're telling me  
it's beautiful  
I believe them  
But will I ever know  
The world behind my wall_

**Rest in Peace, **

**Anthony Thompson, age 15.**

**13th August, 1989 - 13th December 2004.**

**A small boy with a massive heart;**

**amazing son, brother and boyfriend.**

**May you rest in peace,**

**where your tormentors will never hurt you**

**again.**


End file.
